'What Are You Into?' Discussing Kinks & Boundaries with New Partners

The secret to good sex, like really good sex, is communication. As unsexy as it may sound, good communication is key to a satisfying and healthy sexual relationship. After all, healthy sex is all about consent, communication, and compromise—and that starts with discussing your needs, wants, and desires in the bedroom.

Even with all the toys, lube, and lingerie in the world, the sexiest thing you can do in the bedroom is to simply ask, ‘what are you into?’

If you’re looking to take things up a notch with a current partner or ready to begin a physical relationship with someone new, having a conversation about what gets them off, what turns them off, and where they draw the line (and sharing your desires and boundaries, as well) will give you both a roadmap on how to pleasure each other.

Plus, talking about your different kinks will likely get the blood flowing enough to want to jump right in.  

What Are Kinks in a Relationship?

If you’re not used to talking about sex, discussing kinks with a new partner can feel pretty intimidating. So, let’s break it down: The terms “kink,” “fetish,” and “fantasy” are often used interchangeably, but they’re actually different things.

• A kink is a sexual activity that falls outside of sex. They can include everything from classic role-playing to bondage, whips, and even orgasm denial.
• A sexual or erotic fetish describes a fixation on an object or body part, like a foot fetish or leather fetish.
• A sexual fantasy is an erotic mental image that turns you on. There’s a whole spectrum of fantasies, from threesomes to having sex in a public location.

No, you’re not weird for having kinks, fetishes, or fantasies. And yes, it’s 100% worth bringing them up with your partner. You might even find out that you’re both into the same things, so it’s a win-win if you’re willing to get brave and talk it out.

Why Do You Need Sexual Boundaries?

Sexual boundaries are personal limits around having sex. They might outline where you feel comfortable having sex, what you’re willing to try, and how much you want to disclose about your sex life to friends. They can also name things you’re not interested in, things you’re probably not interested in, and things that cause you discomfort or distress.

You don’t have to dive into the sex talk the second you match with a hottie on Bumble, but you should talk about sex before having it. It might feel awkward at first but trust us… boundaries make sex better. By articulating your sexual boundaries upfront, you’re creating a trusting relationship built on mutual respect, which can make all the difference in the bedroom.

How to Start Discussing Your Kinks with a New Partner

Everyone is different, and that’s why discussing sexual interests, fantasies, and kinks with partners is so important. Even if your previous partner loved playing with your favorite vibrator, your new partner might feel a little intimidated by sex toys. The good news? A little communication can fix everything.

Here’s some realistic advice on how to broach the topic, so you can start diving into your deepest, darkest fantasies.

• Start a two-way dialogue. You might start by asking your partner if they have any ‘hard nos’ when it comes to sex or if they have any fantasies they want to explore. You can also start by sharing your own sexual boundaries. If you don’t feel comfortable bringing it up, try spending a date night making a yes/no/maybe list together—or take turns sharing your likes and dislikes.
• Be willing to compromise. If you and your partner have different preferences, kinks, and fantasies (hint: most partners do), you’ll need to compromise. In this case, compromise means having honest conversations and staying open-minded. Remember: “No” will always be enough when it comes to consent, and you probably won’t be on board with every one of each other’s fantasies. But if you feel comfortable trying something new, you might be surprised how “yes” can turn into “oh, yes!”
• Keep the conversation going. Your kinks aren’t always going to align with your partner’s—and that’s totally normal. As you start discussing kinks and exploring with each other, your boundaries might change, so it’s important to keep a running dialogue on your limits.

Bring Your Fantasies to Life

Now that you’re a sexpert on bedroom talk, it’s time to heat up your partner play. No matter what makes you tick, a dual-action vibrator is the perfect addition to your sexual repertoire, turning your playtime into a WAP-worthy experience.

If you’re bringing a vibrator into your sex life for the first time, the Iridescence will be your best friend. She’s smooth, powerful, and perfect for beginners, with the ideal curves to move with your (or your partner’s) body. And with 12 playful vibration settings, you’re sure to find something you’re both into.

What are you waiting for? Order the Iridescence Vibrator today to bring your fantasies to life.