The Orgasm Gap: Why Does It Exist and What Can We Do About It?
We all know that sex isn’t just about orgasms, and a healthy sex life can’t be measured by how many times you cum. But if there’s a considerable difference between the number of orgasms you and your partner are having, you’re far from alone.
That’s right: The O gap is real. Women are having fewer orgasms than we deserve, and we’re faking them for ALL kinds of reasons.
Everyone wants an empowering, fulfilling sex life, so it’s time to open up the conversation. Here’s how to celebrate your sexuality and start getting more of what you want.
What Is the Orgasm Gap?
The orgasm gap refers to the differences in sexual satisfaction between heterosexual men and women (more specifically, the disparity in orgasms).
If you’re climaxing less than your partner, we have some news: It’s not your fault. Historically, we’ve claimed that a woman’s orgasm was an elusive act of pleasure that wasn’t obtainable by all women, but recent studies are showing the disparity is not because you’re more difficult to get off.
Unless your kink is female orgasm denial, you should be experiencing mind-blowing orgasms and euphoric releases just as often as your partner does.
Is the O Gap Real?
Yes, there’s actually scientific evidence that women orgasm less during sex with men. In a 2018 study of over 1,000 heterosexual newlyweds, 87 percent of men consistently reported orgasms during sex. The number for women? A menial 49 percent. And that gap doesn’t seem to do much with women, but perhaps, more so with men.
Studies have also shown that lesbian women, on average, orgasm 86 percent more often than heterosexual women. So, the problem isn’t that women can’t get off—it’s that men have a harder time bringing their partner to orgasm or aren’t prioritizing the female climax.
Why Does the Female Orgasm Gap Exist?
The #1 reason for the female orgasm gap? Our cultural ignorance of women’s anatomy. Stereotypically, the clitoris is presented as something that men can’t find or don’t understand. However, a YouGov study found that confusion surrounding female anatomy is shared by both genders—and locating the clitoris isn’t the only major issue.
The study also found that:
- 59 percent of men and 45 percent of women couldn’t correctly label the vagina
- 60 percent of men and 55 percent of women didn’t know where the urethra was
- 52 percent of men and 43 percent of women couldn’t label the labia
Inequality in the bedroom isn’t just rooted in confusion about female anatomy. It also stems from media depictions of sex, especially in porn, and our culture’s prioritization of male sexuality and devaluing of female sexuality.
The truth is, most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, but this is rarely shown in the media. Instead, we see women having quick, mind-blowing orgasms from penetration alone. And when the male orgasm is usually the grand finale of heterosexual porn, with women’s pleasure tucked away in niche categories, it’s no wonder why men don’t prioritize their partner’s pleasure.
How to Close the Orgasm Gap in Your Relationships
If you’re someone who can typically achieve orgasms but aren’t having them with your partner, it’s time to speak up. Most of the time, you can close the O gap with just a little bit of communication. If you’ve been putting off the conversation, it’s possible to tell your partner without hurting their feelings—because, let’s be real, nobody loves hearing that they’re not doing a great job in the bedroom.
Talking about sex can feel intimidating, but you deserve an empowering and fulfilling sex life. Here’s how to prioritize your pleasure and close the gap for good.
Find Out What You Like
Out of all the ways women can cum, you need to figure out what makes you tick. Do you orgasm when you masturbate? With a toy? During oral sex? If your answer is “yes” to any of those questions, what about partner sex isn’t working for you?
If you’re not sure what you’re into, a little self-exploration can go a long way. Try taking the pressure off by focusing on pleasure over performance. You might play around with different intensities on your vibrator, focus on different areas of your body, or experiment with new positions to see what feels best.
Ultimately, understanding your personal anatomy can electrify your sex life. By getting to know your body, you’re increasing your confidence to guide your partner around it, showing them exactly how to get you off.
Communicate Your Needs
Great communication is key to a healthy relationship—but it’s easier said than done, especially when it comes to bedroom talk. Sex has been treated as a taboo topic for so long, that it’s only natural to feel awkward or nervous bringing it up—but we promise you, a good orgasm is worth speaking up for!
After you’ve taken some time to explore your body, open up the conversation with your partner about your new discoveries. It might be time to establish a new default routine, whether that involves more foreplay or using a vibrator for added stimulation.
You can ease into the conversation by letting your partner know what you do like and what you would like more of, then slipping in some new things you would like to explore. You can talk about how much you enjoy oral sex, nipple play, or any other activity that helps you orgasm, and then ask for more of it.
Don’t be afraid to ask your partner what they need, either. By asking questions, it becomes a two-way conversation that is all about maximizing pleasure for each other. And if your partner is willing to offer some ideas, your suggestions will feel less like a lack of satisfaction and more like a mutual appetite for exploration.
Turn Up the Heat with Sex Toys
If you want to make the conversation a bit lighter, consider introducing sex toys to the bedroom. If your partner is on the fence, talk about all the ways you can play together—from exploring each other’s erogenous zones to adding some extra stimulation during oral sex—to get their blood pumping.
A dual-action vibrator can be an exciting addition to your usual bedroom repertoire. Plus, with curves that work in tandem with your body, it’s the perfect way to build up erotic tension during penetrative sex. Even if your partner finishes first, there’s no better way to say “finish me off” than handing them a vibrator.
Prioritize Your Pleasure
No matter what partner play looks like for you, everyone deserves a fulfilling sex life. Don’t be afraid to communicate your needs and ask for what you want. And remember: Sex isn’t all about counting orgasms or making sure you have the same number as your partner—it’s all about pleasure and connection.
If you’re looking for the perfect toy to level up your bedroom game, the Iridescence Vibrator is always up for a challenge. With 12 powerful vibration settings, three intensities, and two pleasure points, the Iridescence can help you achieve the back-arching, toe-curling “O” you’ve been dreaming of.
Shop the Iridescence today to see what you’ve been missing out on.