How to Tell Your Partner the Sex Is Bad
It’s no secret that relationships are hard work, especially in the bedroom where it can be tricky to talk about your needs without hurting your partner’s ego. But if you want to keep having sex with someone who needs some pointers in the bedroom department, it’s just necessary.
So, how do you start the conversation? Here’s how to tell your partner the sex is bad so you can open the doors for mind-blowing, orgasm-worthy sex, without causing shame, embarrassment, or hurt feelings.
Do: Start with the Good
Communication is vital to any relationship, and you don’t need to be harsh to get your point across. If you’re not sure how to start the conversation, sit down with your partner and butter them up with praise about all the things you love about your sex life.
Then, tell them the “but…” But don’t tell them outright that the sex is bad—and don’t judge or label your partner. Instead, start with some gentle suggestions (think: “It’s so hot when you go down on me, but I wish you would do it more often.”). And remember: Communication should be a two-way street. When you’re talking about your turn-ons and turn-offs in the bedroom, make sure to ask about theirs, too.
Don’t: Give a Do-or-Die Ultimatum
Given the choice between being dumped or having hotter sex, what do you think your partner would choose? It might seem like an obvious answer, but don’t present your sex struggles as some type of do-or-die ultimatum. Just sit down with your partner, be direct, and tell them what you’ve been feeling instead of bottling it up or faking it.
Do: Show Them What You Like
Before you start the conversation with your partner, it’s essential to have a general idea of your own desires to guide them in the right direction. Tell your partner that you want to know more about what turns them on and you want to show them what turns you on.
Give examples and don’t be afraid to talk about your fantasies. If you’re willing to learn from each other, try reinvigorating your partner play with a sexy mutual masturbation session. You can even take turns playing with your favorite vibrator to show each other what you want.
Don’t: Feel Weird about Your Preferences
Let’s get one thing straight: Everyone has fantasies, kinks, and preferences, and they’re completely normal. Whether you’re showing your partner where you like to be touched or talking about your hottest fantasy, you should never feel ashamed about your sexual preferences.
And if you’re feeling awkward, try starting with some vanilla fantasies to see how your partner responds. This way, you’ll build confidence—and open the doors to talk about dirtier fantasies later on.
Do: Choose the Right Timing
It might feel natural to talk about sex just before or after you’ve had it, but save the conversation for another time. Think about it: Talking in the heat of the moment, without clothes on, can make you (and your partner) feel pretty vulnerable. Instead, choose a time away from the bedroom, where neither of you feel rushed or distracted, to take a deep dive into your sex life.
Don’t forget to listen to what your partner says, too. It’s easy to spend the whole time thinking about what to say next, but when you take your partner’s perspective to heart, these tricky conversations will become a lot easier.
Don’t: Compromise on Your Boundaries
When we say bad sex, we’re not talking about sex that’s bad because your partner didn’t respect your boundaries or made you feel unsafe. No second chances there. And if you haven’t talked about your sexual boundaries and triggers yet, it’s a good time to have that conversation.
If there’s something you don’t feel comfortable with, let your partner know. Maybe some things will never be on the table, while others might change throughout your relationship—and that’s totally normal. Don’t let your partner pressure you into something you don’t feel comfortable or safe with. This also means you will need to respect any boundaries they have.
Ignite Your Sex Life
At the end of the day, there’s always room for improvement in the bedroom. But if your partner doesn’t know you’re not feeling it, it’s never going to happen.
When you’re ready to take your sex life to the next level, invest in Iridescence. With two flexible pleasure points and 12 powerful vibration settings, the Iridescence pays extra attention to all of your sweet spots so you can take pleasure into your own hands—whether you’re alone or collabing with your partner.
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