7 Dirty Talk Ideas: How to Talk Dirty with Confidence
By teasing our most powerful sex organ, our brains, dirty talk can add some serious heat to your sex life. Not only does it sound sexy, but that erotic talk actually lights up two erogenous zones of the brain, the hypothalamus and amygdala. It’s like hitting the G-Spot of your brain.
Still, dirty talk can feel pretty intimidating if you’ve never tried it before, but it doesn’t have to be. Here’s what to say during dirty talk and how to not feel awkward saying it.
What Is Dirty Talk and Why Is It Arousing?
While there’s nothing actually dirty about it, dirty talk earned its moniker because of the graphic nature of dialogue typically associated with it. For many people, it’s a fun way to express what you want in bed and dive into your darkest desires.
Why does dirty talk turn us on? It’s simple: The brain is the most powerful sex organ—beyond male and female genitalia—because it’s where our sex drive comes from. Dirty talk not only excites the mind, but it also helps us feel more comfortable during sex.
What to Say during Dirty Talk: 7 Dirty Talk Ideas
Whether you’re wondering what to say during phone sex or are introducing dirty talk into your long-term relationship, here’s what to say during dirty talk to spice up your sex life. (Pro tip: You should personalize these dirty talk ideas to fit your relationship, and match the language you’re already using with your partner.)
1. Use Your Senses
Want to take your foreplay to the next level? Tap into your primary senses to tell your partner how you’re feeling (“You look so hot,” “this feels so good,” “you sound so sexy”).
2. Get Descriptive
For a lot of people, the little details make dirty talk even hotter. So, why not supercharge your dirty talk by adding some descriptive details? For example, you can turn “I like that” into “I love how your hands feel against my body.”
3. Try Sexting
If you’re feeling intimidated, one good way to test the waters is to send some dirty text messages. Once you see how they respond, you’ll feel much more comfortable expressing those dirty thoughts IRL. You might start with something simple, like “I had a hot dream about us last night,” or dive into a fun fantasy, like “I’m daydreaming about you in the shower.”
4. Skip the Profanity
Newsflash: Dirty talk doesn’t have to be full of profanities. While everyone has trigger words that can instantly turn them off, other people love to fill their dirty talk with profanities. Before you start brainstorming what to say during sex, check in with your partner (ideally, outside of the bedroom) to see if there are any words you should avoid.
5. Ease Into It
Whether you’re trying dirty talk for the first time or want to heat up your relationship, ease into dirty talk with some simple phrases. Not sure how to start? Try asking for their preferences during sex with phrases like “Is this too hard?” and “Do you like that?”
6. Give Your Partner Control
Feeling submissive? Let your partner assert their dominance with phrases like, “tell me what you want me to do.” When you hand over the power, you can open up sexy role-playing experiences or start exploring new fantasies in the bedroom.
7. Tell Them What You Like
Communication is the best way to get you where you need to go. And the more specific, the better. Let your partner know what you’re into with phrases like “Right there, that feels good!” and “Don’t stop!”
What Not to Say during Sex
It’s all too easy to get caught up in the moment and say the wrong thing. But sometimes, saying the wrong thing during dirty talk can bring your partner play to a screeching halt. Here’s what not to say during sex (and some less harsh alternatives) to keep everyone happy in the bedroom.
1. “Are You Going to Cum?”
AKA, “Are you almost done?” Maybe you’re getting bored of the same position, or you’re just getting a little snoozy. Either way, pressuring your partner isn’t the best way to turn them on. Instead, try switching positions or asking if there’s anything they want from you.
2. “You Can If You Want”
Sex isn’t the time to be ambivalent. Whether your partner is asking if it’s OK to cum inside you or just wants to try a new position, it’s important to give them an honest answer. If you’re down for their suggestion, let them know! If it’s something you don’t want, make it clear.
3. “You Want to Do What?!”
Sure, that might be exactly what you’re thinking when your partner asks you to try a crazy new technique, but wait a second to respond. Again, you don’t have to try something if you don’t feel comfortable, but avoid shooting down your partner’s fantasy or making them feel weird for asking. Try a simple, “Let’s try this instead” or “I’ll think about it” instead.
How to Talk Dirty with Confidence
Dirty talk might feel awkward at first, and that’s totally normal. Truth is, dirty talk ideas don’t always come naturally, and you'll need to pick your brain for the perfect things to say to your partner. The good news? It’s a skill you can learn—it just takes some time and practice.
To master the art of dirty talk, give yourself permission to move at your own pace. If you don’t feel comfortable throwing around crass words, try sharing your fantasies via text. Above all else, dirty talk should feel natural and flow with the moment. So, take the pressure off yourself to be creative and just focus on what turns you on!
Spice Up Your Sex Life
When you learn how to talk dirty with confidence, you can enjoy a multi-layered sexperience that goes beyond physical touch. Sounds pretty amazing, right?
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